empty/busy week

i think this is the longest ive gone without updating but with so much to say. i've had a very good week despite the hot-coffee-on-little-girl incident and i think my system's finally getting the hang of uni life. i've been doing more laundry, but wat the heck, we have an awesome tumble dryer.

speaking of which, we are still desperately looking for hsemates. still waiting for answers from a few lovely ladies. our landlord just introduced a package deal where we can pay all the bills off together with the rent, and on top of that, we get sky+. but after dinner today we sat down and calculated how much we would be gaining/losing and the conclusion is that we're better off paying bills separately from the rent bcoz we save up to 3quid per week, which is A LOT! in donut terms, thats 4 donuts. like i said, a lot.

but the landlord's being flexible abt our time frame to find new hsemates so insyaAllah we'll get a couple of girls the latest come scholarship results. which brings me to another thing that happened - o level and alevel results are out! and since u guys knw ive got like a million brothers, there has to be at least one sitting for a major exam rite? i had a brother who got 3as for his psr last year. forgot to mentioned it here coz i was busy with essays. anyhoo, brother numero 3 scored 7os for his olevels (i still win haha =p) with 1a 2bs and 4cs and brother numero 2 got an 'a' for maths and a 'c' in thinking skills for his ASlevel. but watever bcoz i didnt take either of those subjects in lower 6.

so still high bars for u little brothers to jump over, set by your truly. oh and brother numero 2 just passed his undang2x test. lets hope u dont fail ur driving test, like *ahem* yours truly. that was the worst day ever, seeing as i've never reli failed a major exam in my life. but thats all in the past.

had a little reminiscing session with boyfren's sister. she and i were in the same class for gp. its nice to just catch up with all these ppl. and i also got more presents over the weekend! now i truly believe that u get more when u dont ask. like, back when i was 13 and reli naive and all that, i'd ask for presents from everyone. bida eh, nda malu. but now when u dont ask for it, its reli meaningful bcoz those who got u pressies really ikhlas. anyhoo, i got a waterproof hoodie and a bronzer set from apipatun mujabah (who, btw, went shopping without me =p), a headband and bookmark from ijah and TWO pairs of earrings, from aunty may and bee's mum. thank u very very much. all the presents are much appreciated bcoz i use all those things anyway. so they're not one of those useless presents that look nice but u dont knw if u'll ever use it.

oh, one more thing. i got lovely personal drawings/pictures from azah and sarah. but i left them at their house. so i told azah to keep them for me till i see them again. and she said she'll make more in the meantime. shes so sweet. and to think i accidenlty poured hot coffee on her. but i did say sorry! and she still says im her bestfren, so all is well. thank u aunty may for the hospitality and great food, and ur welcome e181. i hope u'll be coming here often and i promise, one way or another, i will definitely be coming to belfast.

hmm.. now wat else did i miss? reza was great for 'one night'. good stuff babe. but jgn slalu, psl then i'd have to come all the time and its not good! =p but u knw i love ur music.

oh yes. had a society meeting on thurs and mbsoc has a slot for the salsa nite thingy to do ulek mayang (sp??). im one of the 7 princesses~ i love love love traditional dancing. makes me feel so ayu. haha. so kalau nak tengok saya ayu, watch the show. i tink its sometime in february. and lets hope nda banyak lenggok like how we had zapin last year.

okay. thats all for this week folks. american idol as funny as ever. boyfren being more attentive, which i like. pms just makes boyfrens the best ppl ever! haha. oh, one important thing. i didnt shop at all this week! aaaaaand....

*drumrolls*

i lost weight! so my theory of being with the girls have been proven right twice now. anyone who has a problem with weight loss, sila contact aunty may untuk jadi babysitter. haha


they help with facial exercises too!

much love!
be'ah xxx

Mummy i mishywew!

i've been missing my mum very much since i came back. making me think the more bad an idea it was for me balik brunei for xmas hols. its the whole adjusting back to solitary non-family life, paying bills, doing dishes ans laundry. all that. not that i loathe doing those things. but yea.

my mum went to spore last week and i havent talk to her until today, bcoz she just realised she cud use her neighbour's wireless. haha. samseng my mum atu.shes there to do a 10 month course so it felt good to catch up with my mum with this and that. i talked to her for a good 2 hrs. its nice. i love her. and thsi means i'll definitely be going to spore over the summer. yayy!

totally unrelated, congratulations to my hengsum boypren for passing ur exam flying thingamajig. love u much much. i miss u very much too. come over agen. soon. easter? =D

his sister's coming this weekend. unfortunately, shopping's not on her agenda. so there wont be any of that happy-for-your-shopping-spree feeling. but i will be seeing the adorable 2 little girls. so my weekend is good.

i haf a ton of work to do. anyhoo, american idol tomoro nite! weeeeeeeeeee~

much love,
be'ah xxx

week off

its been a very busy week, or maybe a lazy week. thank u everyone for the presents, birthday wishes and the food. asu can tell, i've been binge eating lately. wont be updating as much coz i have loads to do. work is piling up and we now get american idol on tv so... yea. it means less time on the web.

i still havent got into the swing of things and the weather, to put in ali's words, has been a bitch. but this weekend its been warm so i guess i can go back to jogging. got myself a little trinket as a 21st birthday present from the crystal place ;) i miss home tho. maybe it was a bad idea to balik in december. i dont know. all i knw is that i miss my mum :/ shes in singapore now.

anyhoo, thanx to ali and atiq for the scales. digital scales, i may add. and of course, you, for the lovely flowers and balloon. the hsemtes for the birthday card and cake and to the awesometastic calorific food lastnite and to huda and imah for coming over. sticky date pudding and sheperds pie. no wonder i binge with food like that!

so yea. wil have less updates. and boyfren's sister will be coming over next weekend. looking forward to that. so yea, busy weekend coming again. oh, also searching for 2 hsemates if we wanna keep the house. so its been stressful. wishing everyone a better week, tho =)

much love,
be'ah xxx

rain rain go away

classes have started and no, it wasnt any easier, not to mention im still sleeping late and waking up early (which i believe is a minor form of jetlag), not to mention how i got the time of my class wrong (long story. short version? boyfren's fault =p) on monday but wat really did it to me was todays classes.

okay, im blaming the wrong thing. actually, it was the weather. today's weather was one hell of a frigging tornado/storm/hail. actually, knock on wood. but honestly, today was the ultimate tests of toleration for english weather and i cant honestly say i've grown to like english rain. i dont mind a little drizzle and some puddles because they make carrying an umbrella in my bag at all times and buying expensive boots worth it but today's rain and wind was literally, crazy.

the walk up the hill, after a month of not doing so, was difficult as it is, but add to it the rain and the strong wind that practically blew me off my feet and flipped my umbrella several times made it ten times worse. i dont knw why i still held on to the umbrella because i was getting wet even with it. i wudve actually bunked class because of the weather if it werent for the fact that it was a seminar and not a lecture. so me and nis braved the cold wind and it got worse as we went up because theres less trees the further u go up eliot footpath which meant less protection from the wind. just as we arrived near becket, exactly the start of the path and abt 30 seconds away form where becket could protect us from the wind, my tudong came off.

whats more, we arrived in class and saw our classmates soaking wet. i was a bit smug at first coz compared to them, me and nis were relatively dry. i thought maybe the weather would tame down a bit before we go for our lecture but didnt happen. the weather still wasnt looking any better after the lecture and i was cold coz my jeans were wet and i just wanted to go home. so we braved the weather once more and this is where it gets very interesting, at least for us.

the walk back home meant walking against the wind, as opposed to walking up to uni where the wind pushed us to run a bit. needless to say, it was a hell lot worse than getting to uni. for one thing, i believe if it werent for atiq standing behind us, we prolly wouldnt make it pass the library. he left us right abt there tho, so he went into the warmth of the library leaving 3 rapidly soaking girls to face the wind. dramatic much? haha

anyhoo, as u can imagine, we were wet, cold and having just come back from sunny borneo (me and nis at least).. well, what can i say? we were laughing hysterically tho bcause our umbrellas keep flipping and yes, the umbrellas didnt keep us dry anyway. someone passed us and just said 'just take them off'. either he was annoyed at our shrieking and hysterical laughter or saw that we were wet as it is, i dont know. he looks annoyed tho =0

after that i didnt bother with the brolly, which just broke just after he said that anyway. my umbrella from first year! ie this was my first broken umbrella. i dont go thru broken brolly every year unlike some ppl do =p banyak jasanya payung atu arah ku. oh well, off the old, on with the new!

anyhoo, my hands were numb and it felt like needles were piercing my face. it was THAT cold. nis was still laughing like a hyena tho. i guess the wind's craziness rubbed off on her =p we got home, took a look into the mirror and yea, we actually looked worse than the girls in my class. so theres karma for u. and the weather forecast is that today's the beginning of one whole week of rain and strong wind. please say im wrong.

the things we do to get to class! but now i have a perfectly legitimate excuse to get myself a new brolly. i want those cupcake kinds; they look sturdier and gives more protection. but im not venturing out in this weather just to buy a brolly. i'll wait till the weather cools down, or i can get it online. speaking of which, jogging is out of the question so its back to yoga. i knew i shudve gotten those yoga pants.

btw, a surprise came to me ystrdy in the form of flowers. my favourites -roses and lilies. happy 2nd anniversary sayang.

back to student life

i just got back from from a very long flight from brunei, another long taxi ride from heathrow and a much needed long scrub up and shower.

its kinda nice to be back. i just wish it wasnt so hard to leave home. especially when my boyfren looked so hot lastnite ;p

oh well. i'm back, cooked my first meal for 2008 and am almost done unpacking. met apip at the airport coz she sent her parents off this morning and this time she has officially agreed to go jogging with me, so hurray! something to look forward to till its safe to count the days to balik brunei for summer. we shopping sisters will be jogging buddies this year =D

but im so not ready for school yet. hopefully the lecturers will make the transition from holiday mode to working mode easy. but i miss home already. no swarovski sale is gonna make me miss home less.. plus i wont be shopping for unnecessary stuff this year so all the shopping i look forward to is in grocery, not retail.

ah well, i'm getting too old for all this unnecessary shopping nonsense. coz i do realise i get stuff that i only wear once or twice. so maybe when i feel the need to buy that particular something, i shud give it the overnite test and see if i still think about it. i used to live by the mantra 'baik menyasal membali daripada menyasal inda membali' which had its plus points but really is such a money wasting mantra. i got it from my dear aunt, mind u. and shes got millions of shoes and handbags that went out of style before she had the chance to wear them, so i guess it wasnt sensible in the first place to adopt that shopping philosophy. i have a new goal this year to keep me busy anyway. i wanna lose another 3kgs come summer. so this is a special shoutout to the jogging buddy, we will be dedicated to jogging this year!

and just to be on the safe side, i'll avoid whitefriars hehe.

much love,
be'ah xxx

trust

i admit, i can be paranoid at times. as a law student, i tend to read between the lines of everything and as a woman, i tend to over-analyse things. as a person who's loved, lost and loved again, i can tell u, paranoia can destroy and ruin a relationship. because it eats the trust you have for each other and in turn results in a communication breakdown.

personally, when theres a trust issue, thats when the relationship is over, its not when the words 'its over' is uttered. its impossible to have a proper healthy relationship if u dont trust the person because trust allows you to be yourself, allows you to share secrets and trust allows u to let the person go free and still believe that they'll come back. trust lets you believe that the person means it when they say 'i love u' and trust makes the communication between two people going great.

its trust for that person is what keeps you going through life. it gives way to faith. faith and trust go side by side; without trust, how can you have faith in that friend, that brother, the boyfriend etc?

faith will keep you loyal in a relationship. i came across a quote that said

the one who loves you listens to what you say rather than what others say about you'.

when a person loves, he/she needs to trust you and communicate with you and be loyal to you. healthy non-platonic relationships should be made of not just two people in love but two ppl who also trust each other. without trust comes jealousy, comes paranoia, comes secrets.. and then what have you? some who you love but dont trust to go out at night with friends, to talk to a prettier girl/ cuter guy..

end result? you jealousy can be a turn off. i'm not saying don't be jealous at all. a healthy dose is vey much commendable to remind that special someone that you care, but too much can just kill the relationship. so what to do if u have doubts? talk to each other. don't expect that other person to know, never assume. as the cliche goes, when u assume, u make and ass out of u and me. that person may love u, may trust u and care for u, but that does not make them mind-readers. better to let it out than keep it in. after all, u need to know what you did wrong to make amends for the future and to better yourselves. paranoia just kills trust and when you over-read and over think every little action they do, you keep more to urself rather than letting them in and that is no way to love.

basically, do to others what you expect/want them to do to you. u want to be loved wholeheartedly? do the same to them.u want them to shower u with presents? be prepared (emotionally and financially!) to do the same. if you think thats unfair, then do u think its fair to put that kind of expectation on them? put yourselves in their shoes once in awhile, and start thinking of how to better yourself for others rather than for yourself. your partner, friends, family will appreciate u more. they'll even do you favours more readily because they see that u deserve them. expect less from others allows you to appreciate the things they do more and surprisingly, they'll want to do more things for you, too.

granted, u may be hurt in the process, but thats how love works. prepare to take the risks if u want something thats really true and meaningful. a relationship without trust is nothing. so trust that person. don't be gullible, but learn to trust and let go of yourself more. know when to trust and if in doubt, talk to each other. paranoia and keeping everything to yourself gets you nowhere.

now that all sounds logical, innit? its just common sense and reason. and common sence and reason are usually the precise things that are forgotten when in love ;)

much love,
be'ah xxx

sweet tooth

i'm currently feeling upset and cranky and moody and broody (?!!) and confused. i feel like doing an intense workout, something to sweat out all these negative feelings. but i still have some sense in me not to go jogging at noon in brunei where the sun is at its deadliest.

so second best thing would be to burn some cash, but i wont because that goes against my resolution and also because i dont have enough money for a spree. plus im saving for something that i've been waiting for all my life.

so then i thought maybe i should indulge in a candy binge. chocolate gives u endorphins like exercise does, rite? except its got the opposite effect on ur weight. but i cant find any candy around the house. actually, i can, but they're not the ones that i had in mind. why am i being so choosy and difficult?

i can blame it on the hormones, but i doubt its them. i blame pretty much everything i do on hormones anyway. i'm being very contradictory, aren't i? i want to exercise and yet go on a candy binge. i want some space and yet i need a friend badly. i want to be left alone and yet i want a hug.

i should stop with all the wants. i should stop focusing on the negative and look on the positive. my icing. on my fairycake.

how i've managed to lose weight despite eating out a lot.

how i've gottern closer to one particular brother who i was never really close with.

how my mum is beginning to be more accepting of me and my boyfren, and such close frens we have become.

how i've got a boyfren who tolerates my mood swings.

how i've got girlfrens for every up and down.

how i've gone thru my first term of second year well.

icing. i want to jog. i'm bored. please get me the shoes from charles and keith.

i hate not being in control of what i feel. i hate feeling vulnerable. and i hate that i love u so much.

overused

i was reading the strait times today and found out that one american univerity has complied a list of words that are so overused that the words should be banned.

among them?

emotional. sweet. pop. random.

random!! i admit it is overused. so im thinking of renaming the blog. plus i dont use the word 'vogue' as much as i used to. i've been thinking for a while about changing it plg coz 'randomness and vogueness' has such a tweeny ring to it. and im turning 21 in 2 weeks. plus its a new year, time for a change!

the question is, whaaatt?

thinking up a new name that describes you and is uniquely you is quite payah, as i've discovered. and no, NOT 'shopaholic' bcoz i aim to shop less this year. a name like that wont help. plus its cliche.

so then i tink, why bother with the trouble. this is my space and as long as it doesnt offend people, any name that i choose will do fine.

so from now on, randomness and vogueness will be known as 'the icing on the fairy cake'!

haha. random much? =p

its more like taking a more positive outlook in life. to be in tune with my new year's resolution of appreciating things more =)

much love,
be'ah xxx

a new beginning

i'm obviously a day late in going about greetings of new year and resolutions but im gonna go thru them nevertheless. like every year, 2007 has brought many joys and grief as well. but im happy to say that overall, 2007 was a good year.

as of ystrdy, this blog has officially turned 1 =) this blog was never started for the public interest, its just a means for me to rant and rave about watever i feel like. but alhamdulillah, many frens have come across this blog and kept in touch. im not saying it was hate-mail free - i got my first couple of hate taggers during my 3rd or 4th mth of blogging? cant remember. but its been a blessing so far and imma keep blogging till i feel like it.

2007 was the year:

i officially had a 1 year-old relationship with current boyfren. we're still counting, people, so wish us luck.



i passed my first year of university which i am very grateful for. they say law is one of the toughest courses in uni so im glad that the kent law school has a critical approach to law which, personally, makes law a hell lot easier.

i started living with in the best house with the best housemates. okay, i may be exaggerating, but honestly, i cud not ask for better people to live with. i hope the feeling's mutual tho. hehehe



i discovered my love of sweating ie exercising. im no longer the rabz who shuns the sun but now i thrive and crave on exercise. nothing like a morning yoga session or a jog in winter ;p right bee? also discovered that i CAN cook and clean, contrary to my mum's belief. so i can be domestic when it comes down to it. 2007 was quite a year of self-discovery hehe.

i got closer to my cousins, which is great. blood really is thicker than water. i'm talking abt u loud, crazy, silly girls, kaka itah, kaka amal, cits, imah and huda. i love u girls =)

i spent my first new year's eve with the boyfren. thank u for everything u've done for me.

theres definitely more to it, like karaoke-ing in london with the best gang ever (azam rirah aufa malvern girls auntie tipah sanny etc), shopping in factory outlets (haha awu. nda pandai miss nie shopping ah) and the final harry potter book! it was a good year and hopefully i've learnt from my mistakes in 2007. 2008 will insyaAllah, roll in a better me.

as for resolutions? i believe new year is just an excuse for ppl to make any because if u really wanna change, u can do it anytime of the year. but then again, a new year calls for a fresh start, no? anyhoos, something profound happened to me lastnite and a conversation today made me rethink about what i am and what i do. so for 2008, following apip's footsteps, i vow to spend/shop less (and yes, dont laugh! if apip can do it, so can i) and bersyukur for what i have. i'll try to expect less from others so when others do make the effort, i'd appreciate it more.

lastly, thank u to all the colourful people who have come my way. happy new year and gudluck to everyone whos looking for a fresh start.

much love,
be'ah xxx

p/s the plan was to put a picture to each 2007 event majigy, but i just realised my pictures file is so big so yea. sorry