trust

i admit, i can be paranoid at times. as a law student, i tend to read between the lines of everything and as a woman, i tend to over-analyse things. as a person who's loved, lost and loved again, i can tell u, paranoia can destroy and ruin a relationship. because it eats the trust you have for each other and in turn results in a communication breakdown.

personally, when theres a trust issue, thats when the relationship is over, its not when the words 'its over' is uttered. its impossible to have a proper healthy relationship if u dont trust the person because trust allows you to be yourself, allows you to share secrets and trust allows u to let the person go free and still believe that they'll come back. trust lets you believe that the person means it when they say 'i love u' and trust makes the communication between two people going great.

its trust for that person is what keeps you going through life. it gives way to faith. faith and trust go side by side; without trust, how can you have faith in that friend, that brother, the boyfriend etc?

faith will keep you loyal in a relationship. i came across a quote that said

the one who loves you listens to what you say rather than what others say about you'.

when a person loves, he/she needs to trust you and communicate with you and be loyal to you. healthy non-platonic relationships should be made of not just two people in love but two ppl who also trust each other. without trust comes jealousy, comes paranoia, comes secrets.. and then what have you? some who you love but dont trust to go out at night with friends, to talk to a prettier girl/ cuter guy..

end result? you jealousy can be a turn off. i'm not saying don't be jealous at all. a healthy dose is vey much commendable to remind that special someone that you care, but too much can just kill the relationship. so what to do if u have doubts? talk to each other. don't expect that other person to know, never assume. as the cliche goes, when u assume, u make and ass out of u and me. that person may love u, may trust u and care for u, but that does not make them mind-readers. better to let it out than keep it in. after all, u need to know what you did wrong to make amends for the future and to better yourselves. paranoia just kills trust and when you over-read and over think every little action they do, you keep more to urself rather than letting them in and that is no way to love.

basically, do to others what you expect/want them to do to you. u want to be loved wholeheartedly? do the same to them.u want them to shower u with presents? be prepared (emotionally and financially!) to do the same. if you think thats unfair, then do u think its fair to put that kind of expectation on them? put yourselves in their shoes once in awhile, and start thinking of how to better yourself for others rather than for yourself. your partner, friends, family will appreciate u more. they'll even do you favours more readily because they see that u deserve them. expect less from others allows you to appreciate the things they do more and surprisingly, they'll want to do more things for you, too.

granted, u may be hurt in the process, but thats how love works. prepare to take the risks if u want something thats really true and meaningful. a relationship without trust is nothing. so trust that person. don't be gullible, but learn to trust and let go of yourself more. know when to trust and if in doubt, talk to each other. paranoia and keeping everything to yourself gets you nowhere.

now that all sounds logical, innit? its just common sense and reason. and common sence and reason are usually the precise things that are forgotten when in love ;)

much love,
be'ah xxx